Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
