Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
