After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I will be naked everywhere
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize