im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
