Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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