you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
