Your face is a jimmy john
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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