your parents love me but you hate me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
