I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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