YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
In America we eat man semen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
