We won't sleep together?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
