If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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