ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
