I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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