I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
