Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
