I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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