I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
