my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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