She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
