My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
