I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
