that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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