so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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