no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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