he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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