Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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