I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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