you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
