You're so nebulous sometimes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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