I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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