it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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