she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
