i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
