I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
