I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Come see our sink grown plant.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
