at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
