She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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