Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
