She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
