you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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