We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
