I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
