Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
