No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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