one might say we're banned from that church
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
