i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
