I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
