Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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