Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
