If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
