They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
