I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
