Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
COCAINE IS GR8
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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