I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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