onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
