I hate all girls vehemently.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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