Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
