I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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