Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize