Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
