it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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